Full Frontal Necessity?

The boys are taking swim lessons.  As usual in these scenarios, there is someone who has pissed me off since day one.  Is it the group of ladies who sit in a circle, wearing their daughter’s clothes, gabbing while they sun themselves?  No.  Is it the black lady who sits by herself either talking on the phone or thumbing through her dog-eared, bookmarked bible?  No.  Is it the lady who brings her “granbaby” late every day, causing my kids’ lesson to be held up?  No.

In this particular instance, it is the middle eastern gentleman who brings his grandson to the pool. When I signed the boys up, the information said “all children four and under will be in the toddler group”…apparently, this guy, who barely speaks English, didn’t see that note on his sign-up sheet.  He insisted that his three year old was in the same learning level as my 6 and 5 year olds.  After the first lesson, the teacher insisted that he be moved to the toddler group.  Even though his grandson was in another area of the pool, day after day, this old bastard would see me sitting in the grass and pull up a chair directly into my line of vision.  And there he would sit.  Simple enough, right?  Just a mild irritation.

Then, after every swim lesson…of course, since he isn’t from this country, he isn’t aware how prudish we all are…he takes his grandson over to one of the lounge chairs, lays him down, strips him naked, lets the boy sun and air himself for a few moments, then slaps on a diaper and redresses him.  In fairness, all of this usually happens in the background or off to the side.

Again, just an oddity, not really something that would instill hatred.

However…when they are combined…

Yesterday, I lucked out and the old guy sat on the other side of the pool deck.  I was able to observe the swim lesson and the splashing and the giggling.  The toddler group got out early and the little boy had gone to dry off with his grandfather.  I continued to watch my kids, not paying attention to the world around me.  Then I heard a rambling nearby.  I quickly became aware that the old guy was trying to free a lounge chair from the stack behind me.

He then walked around me and placed the chair directly in front of me…right in front of me…I could have stretched out my legs and rested them upon it.  Then he pulled up his own chair and the stroller and completely blocked my view.  and if that weren’t enough, he rested his toweled grandson on the chair.  So I snapped a picture…

(You can tell how close this cocksucker was, by the appearance of my knees in the lower corners of this picture)

Folks, I’m not exaggerating when I say this: ten seconds after I snapped that picture, the towel came off and there it was.  Forty inches from my face, in full view…in fact blocking my view of anything else…there it was: the kid’s little gonzo nose, out in the breeze!